humor
In a distracted attempt to write "Finding", I accidentally wrote "Fondong" and I paused in my tracks. Friends, I think "Fondong" may indeed be the funniest word ever written down on happenstance.
In the The Beginning of Infinity, Deutsch talks about the universality of the phonetic alphabet.
a writing system based on an alphabet can cover not only every word but every possible word in its language, so that words that have yet to be coined already have a place in it. (Location 2199)
This means a small set of characters (26) can cover every possible English word. It follows that there is a word that exists or has yet to exist that is definitively the the funniest English word ever written or ever will be written.
Sure, you might say, I agree with that, but what about a swear word like "fuck" or a dirty word like "poop"? Everyone loves poop jokes, right?
While I think words in the dirty word set or the swear word set are indeed funny, I think they are usually funny because of the context they are said in. Very few words have the intrinsic character of being funny.
To "be funny" as a word is to look funny, to sound funny, to involve funny letters. Let's break "Fondong" down into it's elements and see how it holds up:
FONDONG (DEFENDANT) -v.- WEBSTER:
Fondong has great vowel structure. The "o"'s are distant from each other, but each strikes with the resonance of a powerful delivery. Neither vowel is coy or shy, indeed, the "o"'s make themselves heard.
It's funny at any volume. Dear reader, try this brief experiment: say "Fondong" at a normal volume. Now say it like you are a Victorian gentleman from 1800's London. Next, whisper it drawn out, as it were your dying word. Now, yell out "Fondong" as if you were trapped on Mt. Everest and you saw a helicopter in the distance, a beacon of hope from certain frostbitten demise.
In all of these cases, "fondong" is funny. It's just…funny.
Spelling "fondong" is a thrill. It has a simplicity to it, the letters are the common folk of the alphabet, no x's or q's to be found anywhere in its architecture. "Fondong" is the everyman, the common soldier. It's reliable, it's comforting, it's "fondong".
"Fondong" fails the spell check, but is not gibberish. A collection of gibberish characters isn't funny. Humor is based around surprise, the subversion of expectation, while maintaining the feeling of familiarity. "sqwrqdnouiqwo" has no meaning, no purpose, and no plausibility -- ergo, it is not funny.
Is it a noun? A verb? An adjective? Who knows? It is it's lack of a obvious bucket that gives it a curious appeal, a hint of danger and edginess.
It has the word "dong" in it.
From my brief (1 minute) research, "Fondong & Partners" is currently operated as a law firm in Cameroon.
The fact that "Fondong" is out in the wild actually improves its appeal to me. I don't want a word that has no historical basis, I want a word with some backstory, a little bit of grit, a word that could walk into any black tie event and rub shoulders with the best of them.[1]
Here's to you "Fondong".
I'm looking at you, "Antidisestablishmentarianism", where did you get the balls to walk around like that? Shame on you. ↩︎
INT. YING-YANG MUSIC VIDEO SET - EVENING
The actors take their places on set, an actress sits in the middle of empty set on a black couch, Ying Yang twins off set. Twin #1 is snoring in chair, is abruptly awakened by Twin #2 shaking his shoulder.
Twin 2:
Aye man, get up, come on what you doin!
Twin 1:
Hmm? Oh uh damn, sorry, man, sorry. Yeah uh, I'm ready, let's go.
Twin 2:
Ok, then.
Twin 2: (to director)
Aight, we ready.
Director:
All right everybody, quiet on the set. And…Action!
Twin 1:
Hey how you doin lil mama? lemme whisper in your ear
Tell you sumthing that you might like to hear
You got a sexy ass body… and your… your ass look… soft…
snores
Director:
Cut!
Twin 2:
Aye man, we're payin a lot for this shoot, wake up, what's going on with you!
Twin 1:
I'm good man, I'm good, I promise.
Twin 1: (to director)
I…Sorry. I'm fine. I'm fine. Let's do this.
Director:
All right everybody, take two. And…Action!
Twin 2:
You heard what I said, we need to make our way to the bed
And you can start usin' yo head
You might had some but you never had none like this
Just wait til you see my dick
Camera pans to Twin 1, asleep
CUT TO:
EXT. FIELD IN THE MIDDLE OF SPRING - DAY
Twin 1: (awakens -- visibly startled)
WAIT TILL YOU SEE MY DICK!
Wait till you see my…hunh?
Twin 1 looks around, there's nobody for miles.
Twin 1 begins to walk around the field, admiring the beauty of the rivers and mountains.
Twin 1 looks at setting sun and takes off his sunglasses, and whispers to himself:
Like D-AMN, D-AMN, D-AMN, D-AMN…
Camera fades to black.
i see a lot of programmer blogs inform people on the homepage that they "love coding". it's unnecessary to say that. by virtue of fighting through the insane difficulty that is getting working code shipped, you almost have to love it by definition. loving to code is a masochistic form of love, a love steeped in self torture.
here are some alternative options to put on your homepage instead of "i love coding":
- i enjoy the sisyphean agony of making errors go away today, just to have them resurface tomorrow in an even more terrifying visage
- i derive a sick thrill from being told from total strangers on stack overflow how stupid i am, and how obvious the answer is
- i relish the stress of looking spending hours of my finite life scrubbing through 1000s of lines of code to find a missing semicolon
- i love switching js frameworks every two years to build the same landing page, only to forget for the umpteenth time how form submissions work
- i'm passionate about getting new github issues opened for a project i open sourced 4 years ago and can't even run on my new computer unless mars and saturn are in perfect celestial alignment
still my all time fave commentary moment. insane https://t.co/Z1pDvk5NBX
— dak (@weeniebagel) August 21, 2022
In any "ancient history/spy" action film you might expect to see these familiar scenes…
Scenario 1: Modern Lock with Benefit of Hundreds of Years of Modern Lock Technology
INT: Some Rich Dude's Vault, Probably
Male Lead:
Damn, it's locked.
Female Lead:
Don't worry.
takes hairpin that's holding up her indescribably perfect bun, despite having just jumped out of an airplane
puts hairpin in lock while Male Lead turns around with back to door frame -- gun in hand
guards come running down hallway
Male Lead:
Hey you better hurry up with that lock -- WE'VE GOT COMPANY
Female Lead:
I'm almost there, hold them off!
continues to randomly jiggle hairpin in lock hole
male lead shoots at guards, who have put furniture that doesn't belong in a hallway like full sectional couches up as blockades from the gunfire
Male Lead:
They're bringing in the big guns!!!
17 foot 4 man saunters down hallway in way too tight shirt, looking intensely constipated
music gets more intense
Female Lead:
and….got it! Come on {MALE LEAD}, let's go!
they both escape just as large man reaches door
Scenario 2: Some Busted Out Rusty Ass Lock on a Three Inch Deep Oak Door That Looks Like it Could Be Knocked Off Its Hinges by a Light Breeze
INT: An Abandoned Cave From 1420; 300 Feet Below Ground
Male Lead:
Damn, it's locked.
Female Lead:
Hmm, its probably a puzzle and the answer is most likely in this room right next to the lock.
Male Lead:
Oh yeah, look, here's a pictogram that explains exactly what we have to do! Did you bring the other half of the key of Bussyus the Magnificent?
Female lead rifles in extremely torn up backpack and pulls out some ancient piece of bullshit
Female Lead puts key in lock, turning slowly while music crescendos
Female Lead:
Got it!
some unexplainable ancient stone hinge technology that somehow still works centuries later opens by itself
Male Lead:
Let's go!
Main Villain somehow waiting inside for them, despite having no knowledge if they would show up or not, even (202212251415)
Totally unexplainable reasoning.
INT: Some Final Showdown with {BOSS VILLAIN HERE}, Probably in the Unlocked Throne Room 202212251336
Male Lead:
You killed my brother! I can't forgive you for that, {BOSS VILLAIN HERE}, you murderer!!
Villain:
Haha, I…wait, are you serious?
Male Lead:
Serious about what?
Villain:
Well, I just think it's a bit ironic to call me a murderer like you aren't a murderer.
Male Lead:
I -- wha -- no, no I'm not, I'm not a murderer
Villain:
My guy, you killed 15 of my mercenaries on your way into this very room. Look -- you literally just shoved one of my lackies of the cliff onto that bed of wooden spikes.
camera pans to lackey impaled by spikes
Male Lead:
Well, I mean, yeah, but -- but they're mercenaries! They're hired killers!
Villain:
Do you … do you think that because someone is a mercenary they can't be murdered?
Male Lead:
I well, no, I mean … I guess I hadn't really thought about it before.
Villain:
Dave.
Male Lead:
What?
Villain:
Dave. The lackey -- the one you just pushed off the cliff? His name was Dave. He has two daughters at home.
Male Lead:
Oh, oh -- oh my god.
Villain:
Yeah.
Male Lead:
But -- but you we're just going to take this treasure and use it for nefarious ends, so I'm still fighting for the innocent!
Villain:
Oh, and what were you planning to do with the money?
Male Lead:
Sorry, what?
Villain:
I said, what are you planning on using the money on, Mr. High Horse?
Male Lead:
Well, I uh … I guess I was going to take it, and sell it on … on the black market? I … I don't know, I usually don't think much outside of witty one liners.
Villain:
So it's worse, you don't even have a goal for the money? You're just here for the thrill of the hunt. You killed Dave for the thrill of the hunt. That makes you a bad person, do you see what I'm saying?
Male Lead:
But -- but I was hired to solve the mystery. This unsolvable 500 year old mystery!
Villain:
Congratulations, so you are an escape room veteran who midnights as a murderer. That is literally the worst combination of skills a person could have.
Dave:
sputters blood, coughs
Male Lead:
panics
AHH!
takes out pistol and shoots at Dave
@SocialNomadRach @TheAnimeTrainer Its amazing she gets so much work done with all the time she spends on the cross. (View Tweet)
very solid burn
Oh I Couldn't Hear You Up There On Your High Horse
The (social) parts of the internet have just felt like a dunk orgy lately. The emphasis is placed on ratios over compassion. This feels driven by ego/self-importance 202301090020